Five agonizing years of what-ifs can’t bring Rehtaeh Parsons back.
“I have a million what-ifs,” said Glen Canning, Rehtaeh’s father. “What if I called on her the day she took this awful step. I really do wish I had called her.”
The awful and fateful step Rehtaeh Parsons, 17, took was to attempt to take her life in her Dartmouth bedroom on April 4, 2013. She suffered brain damage and was taken off life support three days later, April 7.
Her grieving mother, Leah Parsons, later posted on Facebook, “Rehtaeh is gone today because of the four boys that thought raping a 15-year-old girl was OK and to distribute a photo to ruin her spirit and reputation would be fun.”
The incident that Leah Parsons pointed to had taken place at a small Eastern Passage house party 17 months earlier when Rehtaeh was just 15. Rehtaeh said she was sexually assaulted and a picture of one of the boys having sex with her as she leaned out a window was widely distributed through her school and peer group. The photo of the boy, 17, giving the thumbs-up is now a sealed court exhibit but its distribution led to Rethaeh being constantly cyberbullied and harrassed on social media.
The RCMP confirmed that after a lengthy investigation into the sexual assault and after consultation with the Crown consultation, it was determined there was insufficient evidence to lay charges.
Eventually, two of the boys involved were charged in relation to the photo. The boy who appeared in the picture with Rehtaeh pleaded guilty to distributing child pornography and was sentenced to a year’s probation. Another received a conditional discharge after pleading guilty to making child pornography by taking the photo.
And the what-ifs still haunt Canning.
Canning, now 54, wrote in a recent blog that he had been so proud of the relationship he had with his daughter and how often they spoke.
“But on the day she died, I thought about calling but put it off. I put it off and I’ll never know what could have been. I could have called and helped her get to a better place, calm her down, get her thoughts back on track, let her know how much she means to me, how much life she has yet to live.”
Canning uses his regrets to reach out to others.
“That’s just something I have to live with,” he said. “That’s why I tell people all the time, ‘if you know somebody who is in a really bad place, don’t think I’ll call them tomorrow.’ Call them right now.”
In another blog, Canning talks about taking consolation from the last time he did speak with his daughter, the day before her suicide attempt.
“I picked her up from an appointment with a counsellor and drove her home to her mom’s house in Cole Harbour,” he writes. “The trip took about 20 minutes and I replay it in my head always.
“I’m so grateful her last words to me were ‘I love you dad.’ As am I grateful my last words to her were the same, ‘I love you Rae.’”
Canning has reconciled himself with the fact that there will never be justice for Rehtaeh. He now searches for positives to pull from the tragic situation.
“It’s been a huge wakeup call for a lot of people from parents, to the police, to the courts, to teachers, everybody. Rae’s story has been a big wakeup call and I think it’s brought a lot of positive changes, especially when it comes to supporting people who come in and say they were assaulted. I think that’s made a huge difference.”
Canning moved to Toronto two years ago, trying to distance himself ever-so-slightly from his daughter’s story. He dedicates part of his life to getting young men in tune with issues of violence against women and to get more consent education into high schools so that people understand what that actually means.
“It doesn’t mean a great big yelling no, it means a lack of yes is also an issue of consent. In Rae’s case, that definitely rings true.”
Leah Parsons, too, reflected recently about the painful anniversary of her daughter’s death.
“She was only 17, she did not have enough time,” Parsons wrote in a Facebook post. “This continues to break my heart over and over again. But I feel her strength everyday. I feel her in every move I make. Rehtaeh knows how hard I am struggling right now. I feel her so strongly this week. Every year around this time she sends me reminders of her purpose – our purpose.”
Cyberbullying law to be proclaimed soon: minister
By most accounts, a lot has changed since the 2015 death of Rehtaeh Parsons.
“It’s brought a lot of positive changes, especially when it comes to supporting people who come in and say they were assaulted,” said Glen Canning, Rehtaeh’s father.
Rehtaeh Parsons, 17, attempted suicide in her Dartmouth bedroom on April 4, 2013. She suffered brain damage and was taken off life support three days later, April 7. Rehtaeh had said that she was sexually assaulted by teenage boys at an Eastern Passage party 17 months earlier and a cellphone photo from that incident had been circulated at her school and among her peers. The photo resulted in Rehtaeh being bullied and harrassed constantly on social media.
The publicity surrounding the Rehtaeh case led to the Cybersafety Act, introduced and passed through the provincial legislature after her death. The first of its kind in Canada, the act was struck down in late 2015 after the Nova Scotia Supreme Court ruled that it infringed on Charter rights.
The legislature passed the new Intimate Images and Cyber-protection Act last fall, but Justice Minister Mark Furey said his department is still working to simplify some of its language to make it more “user friendly.”
Furey said the new law should be proclaimed by
June, and he’s confident it is a balanced approach that protects victims of cyberbullying while preserving rights such as freedom of expression.
Rehtaeh’s death also led to an independent 2015 report from Murray Segal, the former deputy attorney general of Ontario, about how the entire case was handled, including the original sexual assault accusation. Segal was critical of the justice system, police, the prosecution service and the education system. The report, containing 17 recommendations, concluded that Halifax Regional Police and the RCMP should revise their sexual assault and child abuse policies.
Segal also concluded that police should not have originally spoken with Rehtaeh without a social worker present and that a policy for interviewing underage victims should be established. The report recommended an integreated police sex crimes unit to work closely with the sexual assault team and that police should be given special training as soon as they’re assigned to the sex assault team.
Segal also said Crown prosecutors should get specialized training for child exploitation cases and changes to procedure when the Crown decides there are insufficient grounds to lay a charge or feels there is no realistic chance of a conviction.
“We accepted all the recommendations that pertained to us and we acted on them,” spokeswoman Chris Hansen said of the Nova Scotia Public Prosecution Service.
“We provide training every year to our Crownattorneys and sexual assault is always a topic within that training,” Hansen said.
Hansen said the service usually convenes one training conference each year but in the past year, three conferences were provided, including a recent full day of training on sexual assault.
Hansen said the prosecution service has made the changes to directives and policies as recommended by the Segal report.
A statement from the Justice Department called Rehtaeh a young and vibrant Nova Scotian.
“Rehtaeh and her family reamain in our thoughts as we reflect on the cyberbullying tragedy that occurred five years ago,” the statement reads. “Rehtaeh’s death prompted many changes in how we respond to cyberbullying.”
The department said the 17 recommendations outlined ways to improve responses by police, the public prosecution service, the Education Department and the justice system to address cases of sexualized violence and cyberbullying of young persons.
“Since the report was presented in 2015, 16 recommendations have been completed and the 17 th will be complete with the proclamation of the Intimate Images and Cyber-protection Act,” the statement said. The Segal report noted that school authorities blocked attempts early on by a sexual assault investigator to interview students about the matter because of debate about the difference between what happens on and off school property. Technology has made that distinction artificial, Segal said in his report.
