All Things Mommy: Time out, Mommy

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A time out would mean five minutes to myself and that sounds heavenly

My son just told me to take a time out. 

In my defence, I wasn't doing anything wrong so the time out wasn't justified, but I told him I'd love to take a time out. He looked at me like I had 10 heads. A time out would mean five minutes to myself. I'd probably nap during that short time simply because I could.

I'd probably even pretend to cry and throw a tantrum.

The truth is, I probably wouldn't even be pretending. I know I have benefited from a good cry once or twice in my time as a mommy. Aren't us parents entitled to throw a tantrum every once in a while from being overtired and cranky?

It's funny, in my mind I dream about all the things I'd do if I had some time to myself in our house. It rarely happens because without fail, when one of my boys goes down for a nap, the other one wakes up. When Camryn has an early rise, Aiden sleeps late. The odd time I get a 15-minute overlap where they are both asleep, I don't even know what to do with myself.

Out of principle, I feel I should lie down and get some rest. Then I feel I should do something more worthy of this break - like laundry, or cleaning the dishes in the sink, preparing bottles, giving the tub a good scrub or finally cleaning that dried ketchup spot that has been sitting on the second shelf of my fridge for weeks. So much to do, so little time.

Soon this time will end and yet I have wasted four minutes just thinking about what to do. Once one of the kids wakes up, none of these things will be done. 

Every night, after the boys are in bed, I plan to kick my feet up and enjoy the silence.  Most evenings I don't because by the time both kids are asleep and I do all the things that I didn't get done during the day, I am exhausted.

Their bedtime equals my bedtime. I try to enjoy a few quiet moments with my husband but I can barely keep my eyes open so I go to bed because I know in a few short hours the baby will wake up and need me. Once he is settled, his brother will wake up for the day, needing me too.

So yes, I want to have a tantrum because I'm tired. But I will never be tired of being needed.

When I walk into Camryn's nursery at 6:15 a.m. and he smiles his little baby smile at me, I forget how tired I am. At that moment, it doesn't matter how much sleep I didn't get that night. When Aiden jumps out of bed and literally puts his arms out when he sees me and tells me he loves me, I remind myself there is no better way to start the day.

I may not be a toddler, but I want a time out. Daily. Preferably one minute for every year of my life (so 32 minutes). That sounds heavenly. Not because I don't want to be around my kids, but because I need some ME time.  

Time to be alone, gather my thoughts and rejuvenate. That way I will feel refreshed and ready to start over and face the busy day, and my busy boys, who will be waiting for me when my time is up.

 

Columnist Sonya Thorne stays at home in Newfoundland raising her two-year-old son, Aiden, and three-month-old son Camryn. Some days, she wants a time out.

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