TRURO, N.S. — I think we’ve all heard the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” meaning that comparing yourself to others will only serve to make you unhappy. That’s a pretty nice quote; it would look nice on a wall.
But I am here to counter it with an even better one: “Love yourself first.”
I’ve wanted to discuss this week’s topic for a while now, but I wasn’t sure what exactly I wanted to say about self-esteem. What I’ll say first is how you see yourself is the most important thing in your life. It matters more than anything else, because if you don’t have faith in yourself and your abilities, you will never achieve your dreams. Confidence breeds ambition and drive to reach your goals. Without it you will be stuck in the same place forever, mentally and physically.
I think the hardest thing about working on yourself is getting started. However, as it’s almost the end of the year, it’s about time to set some goals for 2020. January can be the hardest month of the year – the weather’s bad, everyone’s tired, there’s no holidays coming up. If you have something to build and focus on, the month will go by that much quicker. Might as well spend it learning to love yourself.
Building up your self-confidence is difficult. I know first hand that it takes major effort, but it is possible to see yourself differently. More than anything else, it just takes practice. I’ve personally fallen off the self-love bandwagon these past few months, and recently, with these tips as guidelines, I’ve managed to pull myself back up.
For a lot of people, the way we look on the outside determines how we feel on the inside. The ultimate goal is to separate physical appearance from our self-worth, but that is obviously easier said than done. So, start small. Start taking pride in your appearance, wear clothing that makes you feel confident, experiment with hair and makeup styles, anything that adds something to what you’ve already got.
For some, it is not how we look that makes us feel self-conscious, it’s our own personality. Note that you’re never going to fully change who you are. You can fake it, but facades fail eventually. What you can do here is retrain your mind to operate differently in terms of how you see yourself. If you fail a test it doesn’t mean you’re not smart, it means you need to study more or ask someone else for help. If you feel you are critical of others, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it means you are helpful. Instead of picking at someone’s faults, pitch solutions to them. If they don’t want your opinion, be respectful of those wishes. The key is not to attempt to change your personality completely, but to change the way you deal with these traits. Focus on being kinder to yourself and those around you.
For those who struggle with perfectionism, this can be a double-whammy. It’s hard to want to look perfect, act perfect, and feel perfect all the time. This reliance on outside image, and wanting to appear perfect to others is not healthy, but neither is striving for perfection merely for yourself. The most important thing to recognize is what Hannah Montana said best, “Nobody’s perfect.”
That’s it.
This goal you are striving toward is not achievable, so get a new goal. Strive for good grades (a reasonable number is the preference here, say 75 to 80-plus in every class), and a kind attitude (maybe set a goal of complimenting one person per day) rather than being Ms. or Mr. Perfect. It’s just not realistic and you’re only hurting yourself by trying to get there.
I think overall the hardest part of self-esteem is the fact that how high or low yours is, completely depends on you, and how hard you’re willing to work at it. The easiest way to start this is by screening the thoughts inside your head. When you have negative thoughts about yourself or someone else, correct them, give them a positive spin. This is the first step towards self-love and loving life in general.
I really believe every single person is capable of confidence if they try super hard to gain it.
Remember: confidence is not arrogance; you are allowed to be proud of yourself and, most importantly, love yourself first.
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Angèle Hatton is a Grade 12 student at Cobequid Educational Centre who hopes to pursue a career in journalism.
