TRURO, N.S. — This week’s topic – unhealthy female competition – is something very near and dear to my heart, as I have personal experience in dealing with these kinds of ridiculous situations.
Now, in our initial thoughts about this, we wonder, “Where does this behaviour come from?” I believe it stems from childhood and the type of media we are exposed to, especially movies we grew up watching.
For example, the movie Clueless from 1995 (a bit before my time but I had seen it as early as age 12 on Netflix) where the main character Cher and her new pal Tai’s friendship is briefly strained because of a fight over a boy. And though director Amy Heckerling has the fight resolved, that’s not where the audience’s focus lies. No one will tell you the movie ends with the girls’ reconciliation; they will tell you the movie ends with Cher attending a wedding with the boy who inspired the fight as her date.
Young women working to receive male attention as the single priority in life, I think, comes from older people around us, who teach us male attention is not something to be aware of. There are school dress codes, which teach young girls it is their responsibility to cover their bodies so as to not draw male attention – when the far more logical solution would be teaching boys about respecting girls in general, as well as their boundaries. Then there are magazines like Cosmopolitan – which, with the subscription feature on Snapchat means young children now have easy access to these kinds of articles – that count down the “Top 10 Tips For Getting Boys to Notice You!”
This is where the competitive spirit stems from, the general mindset being, if everyone wants the same thing, many, if not most, cannot get it.
As well, the older we get the less it becomes about wanting boys to notice us, and more about getting into relationships with them, “winning” them. I had a friend say these exact words to me a couple of years ago: “It’s not just that I want him, it’s about her. I want to be the one he chooses. To beat her. I want to win.”
So what do we do in order to win? We make our opponent seem less desirable. And there it is: women learn from birth that we must put each other down in order to get ahead.
When we grow up, aside from trying to win boys, we’re trying to win that high-paying job, that big break, that promotion. Since we’ve been taught from the beginning that only one of us can win – there’s only room for one woman – our natural instinct is to take out the competition in the workplace.
I speak as someone who has experienced unfair treatment at work by two women for no reason, as far as I can tell, other than we had the same job and they wanted approval from our boss, and for me to receive disapproval. Their strategy was to try and make me seem inadequate, or unfavorable compared to them in a public way so as to make me feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.
I will be honest and admit this did hurt my feelings, and sometimes made me question if I needed to find a new job. But I think what really saved me from giving up was my refusal to retaliate. I would not let my embarrassment and hurt feelings turn me into someone who behaves offensively and maliciously, as is not my nature. I decided to return these women’s slights with disregard, and after some time, kindness. I chose to forgive and let it go. And guess what? It has stopped, nothing has happened since.
The moral here is we must take the high road. Recognize that although it may be our first instinct to compete with other women, belittle their accomplishments, and make them feel self-conscious around us, I challenge all of us to reject the “catty woman” stereotype.
Welcome newcomers, extend a helpful hand, turn the other cheek and, above all, be kind. Remember: there is a seat for EVERY woman at the table.
Angèle Hatton is a grade 12 student at Cobequid Educational Centre who hopes to pursue a career in journalism.
