Six years ago, I made what was certainly my biggest home-related blunder.
I dared to fall in love with the notion of a two-toned deck: dark stain paired with crisp white paint. I was enamoured with how it looked (so classic!) and stupidly rushed into a long-term relationship that has caused nothing but pain and frustration.
The honeymoon period was short, and by springtime all I could see were the flaws. Months of shovelling snow off the front steps had scrapped the stain and chipped the paint. It was agonizing because it had taken many, many days of sweat equity to get it off the ground, and now it all had to be worked on again.
You see, not only had I chosen a very dark stain (Sico’s Autumn Brown) — I’d accidentally chosen a very thick, non-sheer formula that was basically paint. The can said “semi-transparent,” but it should have said “Thick, unyielding substance that is not even a little bit transparent and will chip like paint.” We made it even worse by slapping more coats on each summer to hide the chipped-off areas, mostly because we shuddered at the work that would be involved in sanding it all off.
Four years ago, I wrote this about our two-toned deck: “When it looks good, it looks very, very good. When it looks bad, it looks horrid.” I moaned that “the hassle of maintaining it has taken years off my life.” I admitted that I “could have just stained it all a nice light colour and not had to bother with it for a few years.”
Two years ago, we had to replace our porch steps and wisely decided not to do white stair risers. But we were stuck using the same stain so it would match the rest of the porch, and it wore off nearly as much as the white.
Well, four years later, it’s finally time to correct a colossal mistake. But you know how they say “two wrongs don’t make a right?” Well, we’re hoping two long, painful DIY jobs will eventually correct this problem.
We’re in the process of removing all the years of dark “stain” (a.k.a. Devil’s Paint). So far we’ve experimented with two different sanders — an orbital and a belt sander — and rented a power-washer. Thanks to weeks of nearly nonstop rain, it’s been a slow process.
Once the porch boards (and steps) are fully sanded down, the plan is to restain them with an extremely sheer stain that’s still somewhere in the brown family. You can bet I’m going to be reading the stain booklets at the home improvement store VERY CLOSELY to make sure we’re getting something sheer, sheer, sheer. Our neighbours have a sheer honey-coloured stain on their porch that just fades slightly over time but still looks great — and never chips. That’s the life for me!
We plan to keep the white railings and columns (Sico’s semi-gloss exterior paint/primer in Natural White) even though they’re going to require serious touch-ups after being power-washed, mostly because (A) they’re in pretty good shape (B) I can’t fathom the work that would be required to sand off so much white paint.
We’ll still have a two-toned deck, thanks to the white railings, but it will be a less dramatic two-toned deck — a kinder, friendlier two-toned deck that isn’t trying to break the spirits of its owners.
Next summer, surely we’ll have to touch up the white banisters here and there, but — with any luck — the SHEER brown stain will just have faded slightly over the winter months. Fingers crossed, it won’t be chipping and flaking everywhere like nasty old fingernail polish.
This has been a painful home-related lesson to learn, but I hope sharing it helps to save even one lovely homeowner from making the same mistake.
If, this summer, you are tempted to stain your porch or deck with a very thick non-transparent stain, don’t do it! If you’re considering painting your porch or deck, back away from the can immediately! I don’t want you to be filled with regret like we have been.
If you already have thick stain or paint on your porch and you’re frustrated by the chips and flakes, I feel you. I really do. Your options are to continue adding more coats to the hellscape to cover the damage, or to sand it all off and follow us wearily down the path to sheer stain righteousness.
(Either option sucks, but at least we’ll know to never, ever make that mistake again, right?)
- COST: Your soul
- EFFORT: 100 out of 5
- RESULTS: Still weeping
Heather Laura Clarke is a crafty maker who perpetually has paint smears on her hands, sawdust in her shoes and bits of thread stuck to her leggings. She lives in Truro with her husband, son, and daughter. Follow her adventures at HeathersHandmadeLife.com.
