By Sonya Thorne
Sometimes I feel like I have the same first and last name. Mommy.
I refer to myself as mommy when talking to my son, and sometimes even my husband. It's easy to forget that I am much more than mommy. I am Sonya. I have been Sonya for 31 years, and mommy for only 16 months.
Many things about my lifestyle changed when I had Aiden. Gone are the days of sleeping in until I feel like getting up. My time used to be my own, and if I wanted to go to shopping for three hours I could. I can still shop now but I have to think about bum changes, naps, feedings and worry about how long it will take my son to get fed up watching me try on the same shirt in four different colours.
Friday and Saturday nights have certainly changed. In the past the only thing I had to worry about when I got invited out was what I wanted to wear. It is a lot harder to make plans when you have bedtimes and babysitters to worry about.
A few weeks ago I decided to regain my social life. It was a Saturday night and I had plans to go to a friend's house for snacks (not the mum-mum kind) and girl talk (not the baby poop kind). I spent extra time getting ready, doing my hair and makeup and carefully choosing an outfit that didn't have mom written all over it or dried food stuck to it.
I had an awesome night. We went to a local bar, watched a friend of ours perform in her band called Hush and had a few dances. As fun as it was, it was still different. My mind naturally wandered back to my family, wondering how my son was with mommy gone or if my husband remembered to read him his bedtime story.
I also kept watching the clock. For someone like me who is usually asleep by 9:30 p.m., being awake at midnight was impressive. I also kept wondering how many hours I had left before I had to get up with my son. How come Sonya couldn't turn off mommy for a few short hours?
I know why, because the day my son was born, my role in life changed. A mother was born. I love who I have become and the changes he has brought into my life. He is worth the sleep I have lost and the parties I have missed.
He has turned me into a person who sees a baby on a plane and hopes the flight won't be too hard on him/her. I used to hope that the baby wasn't seated next to me. I am now the person who hears another child cry and instantly wants to reach out my arms. I used to look left and right for the child's mother.
As happy as I am being a mother, I need to remember that I didn't lose my old self. I need to take the time to go out with friends, to go out on my own and to go on dates with my husband - to be Sonya. It is healthy and normal and at the end of the day makes me a better person, which in turn makes me a better mommy.